Enigma
by BuiltOnHope
Summary: (Part Three of the Proximity Trilogy) Cassian Andor and Jyn Erso are taking time off on the planet Craine when word reaches them of an Imperial attack on the Rebel base of Yavin IV. Separated from their team by dozens of systems and ordered to stay put, the past comes back to haunt them. RebelCaptain
1. Chapter 1

_The alley was dark, almost pitch black, but that was of little consequence to Cassian Andor. He knew where he was going. He'd been there... how many times? Too many._

 _It was late. He knew the family that occupied the house at the end of the street would be asleep. He knew their schedule well, had memorized it down to the seconds. At twenty-four, his mind was still pliable enough to make memorizing large amounts of data easy._

 _Cassian approached the door and took out the key. For such a poor family, they had a great deal of security. Any attempt to enter the house without the key would result in alarms being raised and half a dozen attack droids released. He inserted the key into its slot, heard the lock click, and silently pushed open the door._

 _He knew the layout of the house well enough to be able to navigate it with his eyes closed. Thankfully, that wasn't necessary. Dim lights illuminated the house. He made his way silently up the staircase and through the first open door on the left._

 _There it was: his target. The boy was young, just four years old. He'd held that child himself countless times while his mother made dinner or his father explained the inner workings of a respirator._

Quick and quiet. No screams. Don't raise alarms. Don't get caught.

 _Cassian approached the low bed and peered down at the peaceful face of the child. A child. A young, innocent child whose only crime was being born with the Force flowing through him so strongly that the Alliance couldn't risk the Empire finding him._

 _Their solution to that problem? Cross him off._

 _Cassian had never killed anyone this innocent before. Not really. Not like this. He could take out Stormtroopers like any other rebel, but those faceless humanoids didn't count. He could even assassinate Imperial lackeys. But this child was drastically different. His hands shook as he took the tiny blaster from his belt. It was the smallest and the quietest weapon the Rebellion had to offer, and he was going to use it to end this little boy's life._

 _His hands shook. He couldn't see straight. His mind reeled. He couldn't do this._

 _He imagined this child holding a pulsing, red lightsaber; stabbing it through Leia's heart. He imaged this boy leading an army of Imperial troops, destroying the Rebellion, slaying the senators, leaving the galaxy completely unprotected._

 _He steeled himself. The blaster went off in his hands. He smelled burning fabric, and something worse. The child woke for just one moment, and let out a whimper that would be burned into Cassian's mind for the rest of his life._

 _The boy went completely limp. The smoking hole in his chest seeped dark blood. Cassian backed away from the body. He felt dizzy, sick to his stomach._

 _He wanted to scream, cry, use the blaster against himself. But he couldn't. He had to get back to the Rebellion._

 _A noise made him turn. The boy's mother stood in the doorway, frozen in horror. She stared at him with more than fear. It was the look one gives a betrayer, an enemy, a murderer. She had invited Cassian into her home, and he had killed her child._

 _Cassian turned and ran. He didn't care about the attack droids, didn't care about his own miserable existence. The dash to the ship was a blur of tears as a deep pain made its home in his chest._

Cassian woke with a start. He sat up, panting for breath, trying to calm his racing heart. He saw nothing for a full minute. His eyes pinched shut as he took deep, even breaths.

That was behind him. That child, that family, that god-forsaken rock of a moon, was all behind him.

He almost laughed. No, it wasn't. What he'd done on Omnibus VIII was as real as it had ever been.

Cassian looked up, trying to find something concrete to take hold of, to ground him. Moonlight poured through the window that took up an entire wall of the hotel room. Outside, the Synop skyscrapers stretched on to the horizon, casting lights of their own like stars. The shadows stretched lazily across the room. The air conditioning unit hummed softly, creating a peaceful white noise.

Cassian looked at the spot beside him. Brown hair shone softly in the pale light that made her fair skin gleam. She was the image of peace, her expression completely relaxed.

What had Cassian ever done in his entire, miserable life to deserve to sleep next to Jyn Erso? What had he done that would merit the honor of seeing this vision beside him? He would have counted it a privilege to be killed by an angel like her, and instead he got to experience her closeness.

His life had never been fair, but this was the most inequitable of all. Why did he get to love, and be loved in return, when that little child had been murdered before he could even string together a meaningful sentence?

Cassian's hands shook as he slowly touched her cheek, moving a strand of hair out of her face so he could see her better. His trembling finger slid down her face, starting at her forehead and working its way down her temple, cheek, and jaw. She truly was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

She didn't wake, not even when he finally lay down again and pulled her close. He used her as a tether to the world, keeping him in the present. He breathed in the scent of her hair, ran his fingers down her neck and shoulder.

He'd been so close to giving up. He'd lost all will to live, surviving on only instincts of self-preservation. She'd given him back his life, and made it worthwhile to fight for it again.

What had he ever done to deserve her?

* * *

Jyn woke slowly, out of the most peaceful sleep she'd had in years. She took a moment to gather her thoughts before opening her eyes. She was in a hotel room in Synop, capital city of the Craine system, and had been for the past two nights. She'd fallen asleep in Cassian's arms, and judging by the gentle pressure around her waist and the hand holding her own, not much had changed.

She opened her eyes, and the first thing she saw were his dark eyes staring back at her. Normally, that would have terrified her, likely sending her into a defensive attack, but not now. Now, it made her smile. He returned the smile with a small one of his own.

"What time is it?" she asked.

Cassian looked behind her at the clock, then back at her eyes. "8:47 in the morning. Why?"

"Just curious." She suppressed a yawn. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Yes."

His answer was too short and quick to be the truth. She scanned his face as one would read a map, and became aware of the slight shaking of his hand held in hers. He'd had another nightmare.

She decided against asking him about it. If he wanted to tell her, he would in his own time.

"I thought you'd have been up by now," she said. "How long have you been awake?"

His answer was vague. "A few hours."

"Hours? Why aren't you up?"

He shrugged. "Why would I be? We're here to relax, right? I'm relaxing."

She smiled, and gave him a playful look. "How long have you been staring at me?"

He shrugged. "Pretty much since I woke up."

She laughed. "Am I really that fascinating?"

"You'd be surprised," Cassian teased.

She rolled her eyes, and looked at him for a moment. "We haven't talked about when we want to go back," she pointed out.

He was tempted to suggest that they never go back, but he knew it was a childish, irrational proposal. He'd all but promised K that he'd be back, anyway. And what would he do for the rest of his life if not work for the Rebellion?

"When do you want to?" he asked.

"Well, how long do fake missions like this usually last?"

"It depends on what we dig up," he replied. "Often they last days, sometimes weeks, and occasionally months."

"How long to do want to stay?"

"That's up to you, Jyn."

She thought for a moment. "I guess we could always decide later."

"Good idea," Cassian approved.

Jyn sat up and rubbed her stiff neck. Cassian watched her without interruption. She'd still cough every now and then. Was that normal for someone who'd nearly been choked to death by the Force? He had no way of knowing. He'd never heard of anyone who Vader tried to choke but didn't finish off.

She'd slept in a sleeveless top, exposing both of her shoulders. The burn mark on one shoulder was still raw, but it didn't seem to bother her.

As if sensing what he was thinking, Jyn looked down at him and said, "It's fine. How's your side?"

He shrugged. "It's alright." He sat up, stretched, and stood. Jyn watched him run a hand through his dark hair before walking over to the closet. His torso was bare, except for the thick, breathable bandage wrapped around his waist, keeping steady pressure on the injury in his side. She scanned over the patchwork of scars across his back while he faced away from her. She wanted to ask about each one of them, but doubted she ever would. She had her fair share of scars, too, and none of them made for good conversation.

She decided to take a shower. Maybe the hot water would ease the tension in her neck. She grabbed a change of clothes and headed to the bathroom.

The shower was made of some ultra-durable glass, and the rest of the room was all white tile and silver accents. The whole hotel had a silver and glass theme, and while she generally found those two things sterile and cold, she liked them there. She turned the water on and stripped the layers of clothes off while she waited for it to heat up. She climbed in the small compartment and let the water flow over her, through her hair, down her body.

She moved her hair to one side and let the water beat against her neck. Jyn breathed in the steam. It smelled of some oceanic scent. It reminded her of Scarif.

She wanted to stay under the cascade of water for hours, but she knew that Cassian would likely want to take a shower, too. She cut her time short, dried off, and dressed slowly. There was no need to hurry. They were there to relax, so what was the point of rushing?

Cassian had changed clothes already, and was sitting on the foot of the bed, focused on a datapad. One glance at his face told her that something was wrong. All the warmth and peace had evaporated, leaving the intelligence captain in its place.

"What is it?" she asked slowly.

Cassian didn't look at her. "Yavin. It's been destroyed."

It took Jyn a moment to process. "What do you mean destroyed?"

"It's been overrun by Imperial troops. We've lost half our men."

Jyn felt her stomach drop and something squeeze around her chest. "Who's left?" she asked breathlessly. She was afraid of the answer, but she needed to know.

"I don't know. The message is from Leia. She says everything happened so fast, they didn't have time to do a headcount." He finally looked at Jyn. She saw fear in his eyes. "They don't know who made it."

Images of her team – her _family_ – dying without her flooded Jyn's mind. She couldn't stand it. "We have to go back!" she snapped, more harshly than she'd meant.

Cassian shook his head. "She says to stay put. There's nothing we can do now, Jyn. We have to wait for her to tell us where the rendezvous is, and she won't do that until she knows it's safe."

A familiar desperation rose inside of Jyn; a need to fight, to do something, nearly choked her. "I don't care! We have to go back! We have to find them!"

"There's nothing we can do. We're better off staying put."

Fire lit up Jyn's eyes. Cassian recognized it as that terrifying _need_ that had frightened him the first time he'd seen it. She didn't need to say it; he knew what she was afraid of: Chirrut, Baze, Bodhi, and K-2 with Imperial blaster bolts in their chests. It was a high possibility, even a probability. But they couldn't do anything. The damage had been done.

"We _have_ to go."

Cassian set the datapad down and faced her. He shoved down his own fear, concentrating on her. "And do what? Comb through the bodies in the rubble?"

"That's better than nothing!"

"No, it isn't! There isn't anything helpful we can do. We'd get in the way, and likely be killed for it. The best thing is to sit tight and wait for orders."

"You must know where they'd meet. You've been there for so long; Draven trusts you! Where would-"

"I don't know! Contrary to popular belief, I only know what they think I _have_ to know. And I didn't have to know that."

"You didn't go digging for it!?"

"No! That wasn't my job!"

"How can you stand there preaching about orders when your friends are dying!?"

"THEY'RE ALREADY DEAD!"

The sentence rang through the room, suspended itself in the gap between them. _They're already dead._ Chirrut, Baze, Bodhi, K… they could be dead. And where had they been?

Jyn nearly marched out of the room then and there, but something held her back. She looked straight at Cassian and hissed, "We could have saved them. We could have done something. We should have been there, and instead we're days away on a pleasure trip you convinced us to take, trying to work out a relationship neither of us want! If they're dead, they're dead because of you."

The burning anger inside of her propelled her out of the room and the hotel. The fear and rage within her didn't want to be contained or controlled. Somewhere inside of her she knew how selfish, how false what she'd just said was, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

Her hands were tied. Cassian was right: there was nothing they could do.


	2. Chapter 2

**Warning: Suicidal themes**

Cassian flinched as the door slammed. He closed his eyes and ran a hand over his face. _"If they're dead, they're dead because of you."_ Her words resounded through his head like the ringing of a bell.

 _"They're dead because of you."_

Images of a battle flashed through his mind. He ran calculations on the likelihood of the entire team surviving. It wasn't good. Each member of Rogue One was wanted by the Empire for more than just bearing the rebel mark. They'd stolen the Death Star plans. They'd given the Alliance the tool to destroy the Empire's weapon of mass destruction. If Bodhi and K and Baze and Chirrut had been captured instead of killed…

 _"They're dead because of you."_

The hatch keeping back his rising anger cracked. The overwhelming need to do something, to be somewhere, closed around him, making him claustrophobic.

There was nothing they could do. He knew that. The base had already been destroyed; the lives had already been lost.

 _There was nothing he could do._

Where Jyn had just run off to was anyone's guess. He should probably stop her, but he knew that nothing he did would stop her now. She was a force of nature when she was that angry; he'd seen it before. She'd taken out an entire squadron of Troopers with only truncheons; he wouldn't stand a chance in a close-quarters fight with her.

Was he really entertaining that as an option?

He thought of the blaster hidden in the drawer of the side table. The thought came quick and struck him like an electric charge. He had crossed the room and opened the drawer before he realized what he was doing. The cold of the metal surged through him as his hand closed around the grip. His hands shook, just like they had done so many times before.

He was exhausted. The endless hours of fighting, the sleepless nights marred by nightmares, the sickness in his stomach from innumerable days spent striving for the Rebellion, all closed in around him. Cassian sank down to his knees. The blaster followed him, clutched in his right hand. Light flickered off the barrel, merciless, cruel, and cold.

An overwhelming urge for it all to just be _over_ consumed him. The blaster in his hands offered a permanent escape. He turned it over in his hands before poisoning his finger on the trigger, and lifting it to his temple.

* * *

Jyn knew the rushing in her ears, the pounding of her heart, the restlessness in her limbs. She was running from something. Something too close behind her, too close to catching her.

She broke into a run. Bodies brushed past her, voices shouted at her. Buildings flew through her peripheral vision, sunlight flashing across the windows. She focused on nothing but running. She rounded corner after corner, passed street after street.

When at last she stopped she was in a dirty alley. She could tell the bad part of any town, and this was definitely it. She leaned against the wall of a rundown apartment complex, catching her breath. The sun was higher than it had been. She guessed she must have run for a good two hours.

Her eyes scanned the structures around her. She didn't recognize any of it, and the street name might as well have been in another language for all the good it did her. The building just across from her was clearly a bar. The red sign was in a language she didn't recognize, and it was tilted too far to one side.

She thought of Cassian. She replayed what she'd said in her mind, and winced. She hadn't stayed to see the look in his eyes, but she didn't need to. She had cut him deeply.

The faces of her teammates flickered through her head, and her heart hardened. They might be dead, or worse. It was his fault. They could have helped them. _She_ could have helped them. The miscellaneous team had become her family, and she hadn't been there when they needed her.

With a wry smile, she thought back to her days with Saw Gerrera and his band of rebels. He'd trained her to be completely independent, to need no one, to _love_ no one.

To love was to be vulnerable. Jyn had believed that up until the message from her father had shaken her to her core. She'd come to understand that love wasn't vulnerability, even if it felt like it sometimes. It was a different kind of strength, a quieter kind that demanded attention in another way.

She knew what weakness felt like. It wasn't weakness she felt when Chirrut reassured her, or Bodhi made her laugh, or Baze called her his little sister, or K-2 rattled off her probability of dying, or Cassian held her in his arms.

 _Cassian._ She closed her eyes and let out a breath. He probably thought she'd bought a ride on a freighter and was on her way to Yavin. She was a fool for running from him like that, and worse for telling him that their friends' deaths were his fault.

She looked around the street again. There was no way she could get back now. She'd need a map.

Her stomach growled. She hadn't eaten all day, and she'd just burned her energy in that mindless run that had gotten her lost. Her eyes fell on the door of the bar again.

Jyn walked through it, repeating the most convincing argument she could come up with: _Why the hell not?_

* * *

Voices cried out in Cassian's head. He remembered each one of them. He could see with vivid detail the way each one of them had looked as they died. And worst of all: that small whimper of a dying child.

 _You deserve the same!_

He had nothing. His survival instincts were used up. He didn't even have a bottle to drown this suffocating pain with.

His hand shook. The tip of the blaster trembled against his temple, cold as death. But the finger on the trigger might as well have been encased in led. He physically couldn't pull the trigger.

He pushed through all of the reasons that had kept him alive. K-2SO would be taken care of by Bodhi or Baze or Chirrut, and if none of them were still around, then Leia would do it. His team, if still alive, could manage just as well without him; Jyn was a good leader. The Rebellion would carry on without him just like it had moved passed the loss of so many others far braver than Cassian.

The vision of Jyn Erso quivered in his mind's eye. The memory of her touch, her voice, her eyes, was foggy. She'd accused him of being a Stormtrooper, of murdering her father, of abandoning her, of killing their team. She didn't need him. She didn't need anyone. No, Jyn Erso was easy to get past.

The souls of those he'd killed were clutching at him, dragging him into their world of torment. They'd waited so long to get their hands on him, to punish him. Why make them wait any longer?

A small fragment of clarity forced its way through the depths of Cassian's pain. He _had_ to keep going. He didn't get the choice. He _had_ to.

The blaster remained stubbornly against his temple. He couldn't move. His blood was led, weighing down his muscles and limbs and freezing him in place. His finger twitched, and he flinched.

His vision clouded as tears filled his eyes. They ran down his cheeks and splashed onto the carpet. A solitary sob shook his body. A clawing, vicious sorrow tore a path from his chest up his throat in the form of a scream.

 _Leia._

The name pierced the darkness in his mind. He needed to speak to her. She'd talked him down before.

He didn't let himself think of the danger of contacting her. He grabbed the datapad with one hand, the other still stubbornly gripped around the blaster. He typed in the code for her personal information and sent out the signal.

 _Please answer._

The silence in the room was broken only by the pounding of his heart. After what seemed an eternity, he heard her voice.

"Cassian, make it quick, I'm in the middle of a-"

"Leia," he gasped. He could hear the desperation in his own voice, the effort it took to speak her name.

She heard it, too. It was a moment before she replied again. "Cassian, talk to me," she said. Her voice was much softer.

"I…" He couldn't think of a single thing to say.

 _"If they're dead, they're dead because of you."_

The sentence repeated itself like a chant until he finally broke. "I need to know… who made it."

She was silent a moment longer. "Cassian…"

"Tell me, Leia. Please."

Another beat. "Rogue One is alive."

The sentence lifted a weight from him. He let out a deep breath and leaned against the wall. An insane bubble of laughter threatened to break from him.

 _They were alive._

"Are they okay?" He asked the next question. That was what he needed to do; ask the next question. He knew Leia. She'd answer them all honestly.

"Chirrut suffered a minor concussion. Bodhi's left arm was nearly torn off and he lost a lot of blood, but he made it. He's in a bacta tank now. Baze has a few scratches. K-2 showed signs of reverting back to his old programming, but Chewie fixed that. They'll all be okay."

He let out another deep sigh of relief. The news sunk in slowly. He repeated her words out loud. "They'll all be okay."

"Yes." Leia paused. "Cassian, where's Jyn?"

The relief dulled the pang that hearing her name caused. "I don't know," he answered honestly.

"What's going on?"

Cassian told her what had happened over the past two days, sparing a few more personal details. He didn't tell her what Jyn had said before storming out, but it seemed he didn't need to.

"She didn't mean any of whatever she said," Leia told him. "And I don't think she left the system, so don't worry about that." She paused again. "There's someone here who wants to talk to you. Says he'll come find you early if you don't."

Cassian found himself smiling. "Put him on."

"Don't you dare come back before you're ready," the mechanized voice of K-2SO immediately said. "I had a long talk with Princess Organa, and she pointed out how overworked you are, and I agree. It's boring here without you, but I shall do my best to bare it for another three days."

"Thanks, K," Cassian replied. He wanted to ask where the new base was, but he knew they couldn't tell him yet. "Leia says everyone's alive."

"We lost 39% of our troops, but if you meant 'Rogue One', then yes, we're all alive. Bodhi sustained severe tissue damage, but his odds of pulling through are high."

"So you're putting up with all of them? Good."

"Speaking of 'putting up with', where's Jyn? I thought she'd have interrupted by now."

Cassian hesitated. "She's out right now."

K wasn't fooled. "She stormed off, you mean. Well, her odds of buying a ride on a freighter or stealing her own ship are low, considering Craine's impeccable peacekeeping force. There's a 76% chance of her returning."

He sighed. "Thanks, K."

"Have you told her about Omnibus yet?"

The name sent a pang through Cassian's chest. "No."

"Have you told her about your ridiculous feelings for her?"

"She knows."

"I find that answer vague and unconvincing."

Cassian nearly laughed, but instead he said, "Now's not the time, K."

"Is there anything you need me to do? They're running countless diagnostic scans on me, and I am beginning to doubt my own competence. I'd gladly steal a ship and fly to Craine if you just say the word."

He was sorely tempted to take him up on that. Maybe K could come and find Jyn. Cassian dismissed the thought. "No. Stay there; the Rebellion needs you. Just let me know where the rendezvous is as soon as you can."

"Very well. Are you enjoying yourself?"

 _Well, I was._ "Yeah. It's great here. Boring, but great." He paused. "Hey, see if you can dig up a mission or something for us."

"I'll ask," K promised. "The Princess is motioning wildly for me to give her back her datapad, so I suppose I'd better sign off. Enjoy the rest of your trip, and inform Jyn that the next time she says something horrible and runs off, she'll have to answer to me."

Cassian sighed. Really, the droid would only make things worse. He found himself smiling nonetheless. "Alright. Get back to work."

There was a brief pause, and he heard Leia's voice again. "Cassian, there was nothing either of you could have done here. It happened too fast. Don't you dare feel guilty about this, no matter what Jyn says." She paused. "And she'll come back."

"How do you know?"

"She cares about you too much."

 _"We should have been there, and instead we're days away on a pleasure trip you convinced us to take, trying to work out a relationship neither of us want!"_ The words echoed in his head. He bit back a retort.

"Are you going to be okay?" Leia asked gently.

Cassian looked down at the blaster still clutched in his hand. "Yes."

"Okay. Go somewhere else for a while. Drink it off if you have to." She knew he was holding a weapon of some kind. "Think about that time you came to dinner with me on Alderaan, and dad spilled wine all over you." He could hear the smile in her voice as she said it. He'd give anything to see that smile.

He chuckled at the memory. "Alright."

"Remember that time you taught me how to shoot?"

Cassian smiled. "And you shot the helmet off of the new recruit?"

She laughed. "He screamed so loud the whole base thought we were being invaded."

They sank into a friendly silence that stretched on for several moments. When he didn't say anything, Leia asked, "Do you need me to stay on with you?"

"No."

"Alright. What are you going to do?"

"There's a bar downstairs. I'll go there."

"Good." She paused. "I love you, Cassian. Don't ever forget that."

He couldn't help but smile. Whether it was bitter or happy, he didn't know. He swallowed an _"I love you, too",_ choosing instead to thank her.

"You don't ever have to thank me. But you're welcome." She paused. "I need to get back to the meeting. I'll check on you in an hour or two, alright?"

"You don't have to."

"I know. I'll talk to you later."

She signed off. Cassian let out a deep sign, and placed the datapad down. He examined the blaster for another minute. With a huge effort, he shoved it back into a drawer and slammed it shut. He stood and walked out of the room, rode the glass elevator to the lobby, and sat down at the bar.

* * *

With food in her gut and energy in her blood, Jyn set out on the dangerous tact of finding her way back to the hotel. It turned out to be relatively easy. She asked a few locals, and they pointed her in the right direction.

They all knew the name of the Crystal Resort immediately, and looked her up and down with an expression of disbelief. She looked down at herself, trying to figure out why they'd look at her like that. Her shirt and pants were a _little_ worn, but she'd had them cleaned.

She finally asked someone why he looked at her like that. He laughed in her face, and said he'd never imaged a guest there to look like a soldier.

The sun had passed its highest point, and was slowly crawling back toward the horizon as Jyn finally saw the towering structure of the Crystal. The name fit, she thought with a slight grimace. She understood why the locals had given her those strange looks. The exterior was sparkling like a gemstone in the sunlight, and she knew the inside was even more beautiful. She hadn't bothered to notice that little detail before.

She looked down at her clothes, the same ones she'd worn on her last mission, and winced. She didn't fit in there.

The thought of facing Cassian sent a tremor of anxiety down her spine. She looked around the street for something to distract her, and her eyes landed on an upscale clothing store.

 _Why the hell not?_

It took hours. Jyn didn't really care. If anything, she wished she'd been able to kill more time. She'd never in her life bought clothing that fit her right, and that was only thing the shop attendant would let her get.

She looked odd in the tight, red shirt the lady chose for her, and even stranger in the tight dress. The woman staring back at her out of the mirror, with her hair down and her body draped in nice, clean, decent clothes, wasn't her. The woman had her fierce expression, her untamable eyes, but that was where the similarities ended.

She paid for all of it all anyway, refusing to look at the price. She had enough credits. Any amount was worth the time she'd killed before having to see Cassian again.

What would he say when he saw the bags of clothing? That she'd been ridiculous? That she'd been selfish? That she shouldn't have run?

All of it was true. He'd likely say nothing, though. Cassian Andor excelled at giving the cold shoulder, and she deserved every half-glance of disappointment he'd give her.

The clothes she'd gone in had been thrown away. She was wearing a blue off-shoulder shirt and tight, black pants. It restricted her movement, but it wasn't exactly like she was going to fight anyone any time soon. She did her best to enter the Crystal Resort with a confidence she didn't feel.

She scanned the lobby, her eyes lingering on the bar sign. She could use a stiff drink. Holding the evidence of her shopping trip in her hands, she made her way over to the bar.

Sitting at the counter, nursing a glass of some amber liquid, was Cassian. Jyn pulled up short. He was staring down into the glass with an unreadable expression, his guard up, his muscles tense. She was reminded of the day she'd met him.

Jyn knew that she should speak to him. In public, preferably. But she was frozen. It was as if a force field blocked her path. She generated a dozen arguments against speaking to him now.

Like a coward, she backed away. She left the bar and walked to their room. The glass lift gleamed in the light, making her head ache. She unlocked the door and stepped in. It shut of its own accord.

The silence engulfed her. She moved to the closet and unpacked the clothes she'd bought. She felt even sillier as she put them away, guilty that she'd wasted time buying _clothes_ of all things. Not weapons, not spare parts, _clothing._

She was a coward. What was Cassian going to do to her? Nothing she couldn't handle. She could take him in a fight.

 _"…we're days away on a pleasure trip you convinced us to take, trying to work out a relationship neither of us want!"_

She grimaced. All the progress they'd made, all the feelings she had for him, had all been forgotten for the sake of an instant. Her apology would have to be sincere and profuse.

* * *

Cassian wasn't drunk. He knew what drunk felt like, and this certainly wasn't it. It hurt too much for him to be drunk.

What he'd said, he couldn't remember, but whatever it was had earned him a punch to the gut and a bottle to the shoulder.

He'd handled idiots like this before. He grabbed the man's collar and slammed him against the counter. One glance at the man's widened eyes told him what he needed: it wasn't worth it. Cassian did the smart thing and waited for security to show up.

Security dragged the man away. Someone tried to get Cassian medical assistance, but he brushed them off. He paid for the drinks, and walked back to the room.

Exhaustion clawed at him like an animal, and again he thought of the blaster. He'd have to do something about that; get rid of it somehow. Blood soaked through his shirt and dripped down his chest and back. That was enough to ground him.

He hadn't expected to see those wild eyes looking at him when he opened the door. Cassian stopped. The urge to turn and walk out gripped his mind, and he pushed it down. He walked in, and closed the door behind him.

Jyn's eyes landed on his shoulder. She stood and moved to help him, but stopped. He didn't want her help; that much was obvious.

Cassian avoided her gaze as he walked to the datapad. A light blinked, indicating a message. He checked it. It was from Leia. A mission offer, set right there on Craine. He read it over, and held it out to Jyn. She stared at him as she took it.

"Mission offer from Princess Organa," Cassian explained. His tone was business-like, as if he were talking to a recruit. She thought again of the day they'd met.

Jyn looked over the information displayed on the datapad. A stolen relic of a bygone age was being held in a vault at a private residence outside of Synop. The home belonged to Acker Zeal, an Imperial sympathizer who was trying to sway the president of Craine into joining the Empire. The relic was said to be a lightsaber, one used by the first Jedi Order.

The thrill of impending adventure gripped her, but she didn't want to talk about a mission. She wanted to clear the air between them. "Cassian-"

"We'll go tomorrow and scout the place, bright and early."

His arms were crossed, his expression blank except for his eyes. His eyes were burning with something like anger, but not quite anger. The fabric covering the wound in his shoulder was deep red and soaked through.

She nodded. "Bright and early."

Cassian returned a curt nod. He turned from her and walked to the closet. He completely ignored the new clothes she'd hung up inside, and drew out a clean one for himself.

So that was it? No comment on the clothes? No questions about where she'd been? No reprimand for running away? She wished he'd yell at her. That would be better than having to share a room with this cold, unfeeling version of him.

"Cassian..."

"The team's alright," he said. "I spoke with Leia earlier. Bodhi's in a bacta tank, but he'll pull through. Everyone else has minor injuries."

The warm feeling of relief was stunted by the tension in the air. She was more than glad that their friends were alright, of course, but she was too distracted by what was in front of her.

She swallowed her pride and tried again. "Cassian, I'm-"

"Let's get one thing straight," he interrupted, turning to fix his burning eyes on her again. "I don't give a damn why you're here. I was under the impression that you wanted to figure out whatever is between us, but maybe I was wrong." He shrugged, as if he truly didn't care. "But I did not _make_ you come, Jyn Erso. You're the one who claimed to love, not the other way around. Figure out what you want."

He walked into the bathroom and shut the door. She heard the lock click. Jyn let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. She swallowed a response, knowing that wasn't the time to talk about it.

She already knew what she wanted: him. When she'd made her decision, she wasn't sure. Maybe it was in the terrorist camp, or when he'd been shot on their last mission, or on her journey back to the hotel that day. It didn't really matter when. What mattered was that she'd made the choice.


	3. Chapter 3

Cassian wasn't joking when he said 'early', but 'bright' had been a lie. They were at the mansion of Acker Zeal before the sun rose. Cassian went in while Jyn waited nearby, and was out within fifteen minutes with a detailed scan of the house.

Acker Zeal would be hosting a party later that night. They decided to use that as their cover. Jyn would go in as a guest, the newly elected senator of Eiloroseint. Cassian briefed her on Eiloroseint customs and government so she'd have the information necessary to play the part. He would go in the uniform of a security guard, and try to locate and extract the lightsaber. He'd hand it off to her before returning to investigate the rest of the vault.

"Keep to the plan," he ordered. "The artifact is our first priority. Once I hand it over to you, make some excuse to get out. I'll meet you back at the hotel."

He'd been closed off all day. Jyn made a few attempts to talk to him, but he wasn't open to any of them. The only thing he'd talk about was the mission. He didn't comment on her dress or hair or anything else, only uttering a quick "good luck" before they separated that evening.

Jyn walked through the front gate like the rest of the guests. She held her head high, kept her shoulders back and her back straight. She walked with confidence and grace. Deception hadn't been something Saw covered very often, but she found it easy. After so many years of living under aliases, she had to.

She was greeted by the host himself. Acker Zeal was a tall man in his late 60s with discerning eyes and slicked-back hair. A scar over his cheekbone gave his thin face the look of a retired soldier. The way he carried himself reinforced that assumption.

He smiled as he took Jyn's hand and placed a polite kiss on the back of it. "Senator Vegas." His deep voice was strong for his age. "It's an honor. I had not excepted to play host to a representative of Eiloroseint."

She smiled back and bowed the way Cassian had shown her. "The honor is all mine. Craine is a place I have longed wished to visit."

"Well, I hope you will enjoy my little piece of Craine here, Senator. Have you come on alone?"

"Yes. I prefer to travel by myself, and I find my bodyguards tiresome."

The twinkle in his eyes was far from the evil glare she'd envisioned him wearing. "In that case, I hope you will save me a dance?"

Jyn bowed again, and returned the smile. "I would love you. Thank you."

Zeal excused himself to greet his other guests. Jyn followed the sounds of the crowd to an enormous ballroom, lit up with candles rather than artificial light. The innumerable, quivering flames cast a golden light on every surface, bringing out the colors of the clothing and decorations like nothing she'd seen before. It was far too grand a place for her to belong in, but she could fake it for as long as Cassian needed.

She was approached by several other people throughout the next hour, and danced for a few songs. The longer Cassian went without contacting her the more anxious she became. It couldn't take this long to locate a lightsaber, could it? After over an hour of tiresome dancing and ridiculous laughter, she found a quiet corner and contacted him.

"Cassian, come in," she spoke quietly into the comlink.

 _"What's wrong?"_ his hushed voice came back immediately.

"Where are you?" she demanded.

 _"I'm in the vault. I've got the artifact. Meet me on the staircase in the West Wing."_

With a deep sigh, she obeyed. Finding the West Wing took her longer than she thought. Twice she was stopped by the staff and asked what she needed, and both times she made the excuse of seeking out the ladies' room. After ten minutes of wandering, she spotted the staircase.

Cassian was standing in the shadows of an alcove, well hidden from casual passers-by. He checked his watch as Jyn slid in across from him. There was barely enough room for both of them. He pressed his back against the wall to allow as much space between them as possible.

"What took so long?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Had to detour to the lavatory twice." She ignored his questioning look. "Have you got it?"

He held up a silver cylinder. It was chipped and scratched, clearly an ancient thing. Jyn knew it must have seen countless battles, probably changed hands a few times. She thought she'd be indifferent to seeing such a relic, but instead she was filled with a sense of respect.

As her fingers closed around the handle, she heard Chirrut's words echo in her mind. _"The strongest stars have hearts of kyber."_ She knew that, if the object still worked, it was powered by the same substance that hung from the frayed string of her necklace.

"You know what to do?" Cassian's voice shook her from her musings.

Jyn nodded, and pulled up the layer of her shirt to secure the lightsaber to the strap around her thigh. She felt the cool metal press against her skin. She made sure her skirt would cover the weapon, and looked back at Cassian.

"When do you think you'll be finished?" she asked.

"Should take me another hour. Don't stick around." He glanced up and down the hall and moved to leave.

Jyn grabbed his arm and pulled him back. He stared at her, silently asking what she wanted. She hesitated. "Be careful." It wasn't at all what she wanted to say, but she hoped he understood.

Cassian nodded. "You, too." The reply was soft, and the look he gave her held the promise of a long discussion after the mission was complete. He darted into the hall and made his way back to the vault, keeping to the shadows.

The closer he got to his destination the worse he felt. He'd given her the cold shoulder all day. An act of cowardice, he knew, to save himself the pain of hearing whatever it was she was going to tell him.

The nagging notion that he should have said something more tore at him. He had a bad feeling about this assignment. It was too simple, too perfect, to go off without a hitch.

 _You're getting paranoid, Andor,_ he scolded himself.

He crept back into the vault. He'd left the door open, a foolish move, he knew, but a necessary one if he wanted to get back inside. The massive room was well lit. Cases of ancient treasures lined both walls, displaying the wealth of the man who owned the place. Cassian had seen wealth enough times to know that this had been passed down for generations.

He wasn't interested in the jewels or precious metals. Simple logic made him stick around: If a man owned an ancient lightsaber, he had more artifacts of use to the Rebellion. He searched the cases and shelves with an analysist's eye, calculating the military value.

"Freeze!"

The order cut through Cassian's thoughts. The command gave him no room to disobey. He looked around for anything he could use as a weapon, and his eyes landed on a golden chalice. If thrown hard enough, it could-

"Turn around slowly!"

Cassian remembered that he was wearing the security uniform. He could work with that, talk his way out of this. With a casual look on his face, he obeyed. He faced the guard, and his blood ran cold. A thousand images jumbled themselves together. The penetrating whimper of a dying child echoed through the room.

The father of that poor little boy on Omnibus was pointing a loaded blaster at him.

* * *

Jyn made her way back through the mansion. If she could just get to the doors without being questioned, she could get the lightsaber out. She concentrated on her position in relation to the front door. She rounded a corner and caught sight of the front lawn on the other side of the massive front door at the end of the hallway.

"Senator Vegas." The voice made her stop. She collected herself quickly, and turned. Acker Zeal was looking at her with an expression of polite curiosity. "You're not leaving, are you?" he asked.

She maintained her composure. The pressure of the stolen relic against her thigh made her painfully aware of the importance of not being caught.

"I promised my security team that I would return to my hotel suite within three hours," she lied.

Zeal stepped toward her, closing the distance. He looked her over, and took her hand. "They can wait. You cannot deny me the privilege of dancing with the most elegant woman here. You did promise me a dance, did you not?"

Jyn recognized the corner she was backed into. Refusal would mean suspicion and possible exposure. Whatever happened, she _could not_ be caught before Cassian was clear of the property. So she smiled and said, "So I did."

Zeal led her back into the ballroom. The orchestra was playing a slow tune. He drew her uncomfortably close, one hand holding hers and the other around her waist. She placed a hand on his shoulder, and they moved to the music.

"I hope you won't mind me saying, Senator, that you bear a certain resemblance to an old friend of mine."

Feigning interest, Jyn said, "May I ask who?"

"An Imperial science officer." The reminder sent a shiver down her spine. "Galen Erso. A brilliant man."

Hearing her father's name from such an unexpected source struck a blow. Jyn did her best to remain calm and cool. "I've never heard the name."

"He was a gifted scientist," Zeal continued. "Sadly, he was killed by rebel forces some time ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Jyn silently begged him to stop talking about her dead father.

"Think nothing of it, my dear. He left behind a magnificent legacy." He paused dramatically. "But enough about ghosts. Tell me of yourself."

Jyn never got the chance to invent false information about Senator Vegas. A ripple of disturbance reached them from the other side of the room, and they both turned to look. A security guard dressed in black was dragging a man behind him. Cassian.

Jyn felt a stab of fear. Cassian's hands were cuffed in front of him. His stolen security jacket was nowhere to be found, and a trickle of blood ran down the side of his face. The guard who'd caught him showed no signs of injury, nor the fatigue of a struggle. Whatever had happened, Cassian hadn't put up a fight.

"Sir, I caught this man inside the vault," the security guard declared.

Zeal excused himself from Jyn, and walked over. Guests cleared the middle of the room, creating a kind of ring around the guard, Cassian, and Zeal.

The guard forced Cassian to his knees and looked at his employer. "His name is Cassian Andor, Sir. He's a known murder."

 _How could you possibly know that?_ Jyn wanted to shout, but she kept her mouth shut. She stayed near the outskirts of the ring, trying to come up with a plan. More guards entered the room and muscled their way through the circle. They stood around Cassian with menacing, black blasters held at the ready.

"How do you know that, Xong?" Zeal demanded.

There was a moment's silence. "Sir, this man killed my son three years ago."

The sentence was enough to shock Jyn. She felt as if freezing water had been dumped on her. Xong, the security guard, was about Cassian's age. His son couldn't have been much older than five three years ago, and Cassian would never kill a child.

She looked at Cassian, hoping something in his eyes would confirm what she already knew. But the pain and guilt written across his face proved her wrong.

Cassian Andor had murdered a child.

Zeal looked from Xong to Cassian, and back again. Clearly he had heard the story because he didn't ask Xong to elaborate.

Cassian knelt on the hard floor with his head bowed. Zeal he could take. The guards he could take. But not Xong. He'd taken enough from the man already. He knew Zeal's order before it came. The justice system of Craine was left to the people in matters of personal loss. Matters like these were handled in public, and as quickly as possible.

A life for a life. Only the victim's family could deal out justice on Craine.

Still, the order sent a pang of fear when he heard Zeal say, "Very well. Xong, you may do as you will."

Cassian was not ready to die. He had a million things he needed to do, and a million more things he needed to say. If he'd died on Scarif, he would have been ready. Even a week ago in that terrorist camp, he would have been ready. But not now. Not with all of the things he needed to say to Jyn. Not with all of the apologies he had to make.

There were worse ways to go. It wouldn't hurt for long, and he'd had this coming for years. The guilt, the pain, the remorse, it would all be over. He didn't flinch as Xong raised his blaster. Stubborn pride made him look up into the man's eyes. At least Jyn was safe.

Fierce eyes caught his own. His heart plummeted. She hadn't escaped. There was horror in her eyes, and something much more dangerous: determination.

Jyn Erso was going to watch him die. Or worse: She was going to try to stop it.

He gave her a look, begging her to stay where she was. He should have told her he loved when he'd had the chance. He tried to communicate it without words.

Xong rested his finger on the trigger and took aim at Cassian's heart. _Hell no._ The two words were the best Jyn could string together. Plans raced through her head with lightning speed. She had no weapon. How could she stop this?

 _The lightsaber._

She pulled her skirt up and unfastened the weapon strapped to her thigh. She had no idea if it would work. She looked down at it. Her finger found the switch. Before she could tell herself how _insane_ it was, Jyn pressed it hard.

A glowing green light shot from the top of the cylinder. It was steady and strong, despite its age. Xong was too focused to see it, but the people around her did. They screamed and parted for her. She leapt forward and sliced the blaster in two.

Jyn stood between Xong and Cassian. She held the lightsaber in front of her. It cast its green light across her face, exaggerating the shadows and highlights, making her look even wilder than usual.

Zeal looked at her in shock. The surprise morphed into recognition. "Jyn Erso," he growled. He held out an expectant hand. "Hand over the lightsaber, and you and your friend go free."

She sneered back. "That won't be necessary." She glanced back at Cassian, who had done his best to get over his shock. "This belongs to the Rebel Alliance, Zeal, and we're taking it back."

"Guards!"

The black-clad soldiers closed in around them. Cassian ducked under a swipe of the glowing green saber and dove to one side. He came up on one knee and kicked a guard's legs out from under him. With a sharp jab of his elbow he knocked the man out. He pulled the blaster from his hands and aimed it at a guard behind Jyn.

Jyn felt the blaster bolt breeze past her. She plunged the ancient weapon through the heart of a guard, and lopped off another's head.

Cassian scanned the room and located the exit points. He shot another guard and stood. Hands still bound, he grabbed Jyn's arm and tugged her in the direction they needed to go. She responded immediately, hacking through the men in their path. Screams rose up from the party guests. Not one of them moved to help.

They broke through the front door and dashed off into the night. Shouts rang out behind them. Pulsing red flashes zoomed past them. Jyn retracted the green blade.

The Synop skyline glowed like a billion stars a mile away. They knew that they could make it. They dodged trees and bushes, flew past civilians. The cover of darkness helped them gain several yards of distance between them and their pursuers.

Jyn's muscles ached as her feet pounded at the ground beneath her. The lightsaber was grasped in one hand. She could hear Cassian's labored breathing beside her. Neither of them slowed until they were into the city.

Jyn glanced back. She caught a flash of black, and knew they guards hadn't given up yet. A crazy idea occurred to her. After rounding a tight corner, she grabbed Cassian's arm and yanked him into a dark alleyway. She turned the lightsaber on again just long enough to slice the manacles from Cassian's wrists.

Jyn grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him against her. Before he had time to think, she was kissing him. Confusion gripped him. The need to make sense of the situation drowned out even the desire to return the kiss.

Then it made sense. Public displays of affection made people uncomfortable, and he doubted that Zeal's guards would want to look close enough to identify them. He smirked, and kissed her back. He pushed her back against a wall, pressing his body against hers. Her fingers ran through his hair as she kissed him with an intensity that he'd never felt before.

Shouts and boots slamming against concrete grew louder until he knew they were just outside the alley, and then faded again. Only part of his brain registered what that meant. He was too lost in her to care. It was several minutes before she finally broke the kiss, pushing him away just enough to let them breathe.

Cassian panted hard. He took a moment to regain rational thought.

"You should have stuck to the plan," he reprimanded. His voice was breathless.

She smirked back. He felt her fingers leave his hair, trialing down his neck back to the collar of his shirt. She ran her fingers over it for a second before saying, "You're glad I didn't. Admit it."

Was he glad he was alive? Of course. But she'd put herself in danger, wielded a weapon neither of them understood, and exposed herself before an Imperial sympathizer. But try as he might, he couldn't bring himself to be angry with her.

Cassian sighed. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it. Are you going back?"

"I'm not _that_ suicidal, Jyn."

She chuckled. His right forearm was still leaning against the wall above her head, and his other hand was still on her neck. He noticed the lack of space as well, but didn't hurry to widen it.

"So was that a purely strategic move, Erso, or did you have ulterior motives?" Cassian smirked suggestively at her.

Jyn rolled her eyes, but couldn't help smiling. "Okay, so I was tired of Captain Andor and wanted Cassian back."

His smirk faded. "I'm sorry."

"Me, too. I know you care about our team as much as I do. I never should have said what I did." She paused. "And… I do want to be here. I do want to figure this out."

Cassian nodded slowly. He read her expression. There was nothing but sincerity in her eyes. He leaned forward and kissed her again. "Let's get out of here," he said. "We need to get that lightsaber someplace safe."


	4. Chapter 4

Once back at the hotel, Jyn hid the lightsaber inside the closet. When Cassian gave her a questioning look, she simply told him it was better than hiding it with the blaster. He admitted that it was.

His shoulder stung. It had been struck sometime during the scuffle at Zeal's mansion, and some of the cuts had opened again. She noticed him touch the area around it gingerly. She watched him for a moment before sitting down beside him.

"Take it off," she said.

Cassian smirked. "Excuse me?"

She rolled her eyes and nodded at his shoulder. "Let me see the cut."

He chuckled, but obediently removed his shirt. The bandage over his shoulder was sloppy, and soaked through. Jyn scooted closer and gently removed it.

The silver light of the room glinted off the shards of glass embedded in his skin. She opened her mouth to ask what had happened, decided she didn't want to know, and closed it again. She fetched another bandage, a pair of tweezers, and a clean, wet cloth.

Cassian's eyes didn't leave her face as she tended to the collection of small cuts. She was so focused that she didn't notice. Or maybe she was just pretending not to notice. He wanted to ask her a million questions. Where she was yesterday, where all those clothes came from, and whether there had there been any truth to her claim of not wanting a relationship between them, just for starters. But something told him that all of that was better left in the past, so he didn't mention it.

"Did you really kill that man's son?"

The question caught him off guard. Jyn refused to look at him. Cassian stared at her for a full minute. He could lie. He could tell her that it had been an accident. But this secret had him sick to his stomach. Now that it was out in the open, he knew that lying would risk his own destruction.

So he said, "Yes."

The truth etched a void inside his heart, hacking at the already massive crater he'd done his best to hide. The image of the tiny body with a thin wisp of smoke curling up from its heart shot through Cassian's mind, and he flinched. He looked away from her, preparing himself for the worst.

Jyn finally looked him in the face. The pain in his eyes nearly broke her heart. That sort of grief came only from years of regret. She'd planned to ask why, but didn't matter. It was in the past. He was a different man now.

Xong had said his son had been killed three years ago. That must have been the mission Cassian had mentioned before. The assassination mission. The one that had permanently changed him. The one that had made him end what he'd had with Leia, and close himself off from any kind of personal intimacy. Knowing the effects that that terrible crime had on him, she couldn't find it within herself to turn away.

"You're a good man, Cassian," she whispered. He merely scoffed. He knew his crimes more personally than she ever could. Of course he didn't believe that he was a good man.

Cassian's eyes were downcast, staring at nothing. "Look at me," she requested. He didn't. She placed a hand under his chin and lifted his head up so he had to. The raw emotion in his dark eyes sent a pang through her chest. The words she wanted to say caught in her throat. She swallowed hard. "Cassian, you're forgiven."

Jyn wrapped him in a soft embrace. After a moment, she felt his arms close around her waist and back, pressing her closer. She slid a hand up and down his bare back, doing her best to offer comfort and reassurance.

The fact that she was comforting him after learning of that terrible mission was a miracle of the Force. She'd done the impossible: she'd forgiven him. And while it wasn't her life that he'd ruined with that horrific act, any amount of forgiveness was appreciated.

Cassian breathed in the scent of her hair. He concentrated on her warmth, her heartbeat, her breathing. Jyn's hair was a mess. He pulled out the clips keeping the fancy braid tucked around in a complicated shape, and unwound the knots with one hand. She closed her eyes. He heard her sigh, and smiled. He weaved her hair over his fingers, combing through the soft locks. They stayed like that for what felt like a blissful eternity.

The simple intimacy of the moment drew a confession out of him. "I love you, Jyn Erso."

His voice was barely above a whisper. The sentence made her heart skip a beat. She'd known he loved her since he saved her from the terrorist camp, and she'd suspected it before that. But hearing him admit it with such a quiet intensity was very different.

She drew back just far enough to face him. He gazed back at her. Cassian tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He trailed the backs of his fingers across her cheekbone and down her jaw. He set his hand on her cheek and leaned in slowly.

Their noses brushed as he closed the space between them and pressed his lips to hers.

Cassian completely lost himself to her touch. Her fingers slid over his neck and shoulders, and he felt her push him back. He tangled a hand through her soft hair and ran his other hand down her back and side. He deepened the kiss, and heard her moan.

Jyn trailed her hands over his chest. She felt him adjust the zipper of her dress and pull it down. His fingers grazed her skin, sliding up and down her spine, before slipping under her sleeve and pulling it down her arm. He glided his hands over her, touching everywhere he could reach.

"Captain!"

They broke apart. He stared up at her, trying to catch his breath. It took him several seconds to make sense of the position they were in. Jyn was half lying on top of him. Her dress was hanging off one shoulder, and his hand rested on her thigh underneath the shirt. Her hair cascaded down over her shoulders, tickling his face. The only coherent thought he could form was of how utterly _beautiful_ she was.

"Cassian!" Wait. He knew the voice. K was trying to contact him.

Jyn realized who it was, too, and sighed in frustration. "Your pet droid wants you."

Too drunk on her to give a damn, Cassian growled, "Who cares?" and pulled her back down into another heated kiss.

" _Cassian!_ "

With a painful jolt, Cassian remembered just who it was that was trying to contact him. With enormous effort, he pushed Jyn away enough to curse and say, "I'm sorry." She slid off of him. Cassian sat up and started to explain. "If he doesn't hear from me, he'll come looking."

She managed a tight, reassuring smile. "It's okay."

"This won't take long," he promised.

He grabbed the datapad from the bedside table as K-2 shouted his name more violently. He pressed a key and snapped, " _Force_ , K, what's wrong!?"

"Finally! I've been trying to reach you for several minutes."

Knowing K expected an excuse, Cassian said, "Well, I was…" He glanced back at Jyn, trying to think of the right lie. "…busy."

"I see. You've got the relic, then?"

"Yes."

"And is Jyn still angry with you for nothing?"

"No!" Jyn answered herself.

"Oh, there you are! Well, you should know that Cassian was quite distressed by what you said yesterday. He called Leia to talk him down from a suicide attempt, and-"

"K, stop talking!" Cassian barked.

Jyn's eyes snapped back to Cassian. She watched him nervously run a hand through his hair while he avoided her gaze, and knew that K-2 wasn't exaggerating. Her heart clenched. She'd pushed him that far?

"What are you calling about?" Cassian demanded.

"We can finally tell you the location of the new base. Brace yourself: It's on Hoth."

Cassian let out an aggravated sigh. Hoth was his least favorite planet in the galaxy. He despised the cold. It caused stabs of pain where there normally were none, and a deep-set ache in his back. That, and he found incessant white aggravating.

"Return as soon as possible," K continued. "Draven is growing impatient, though the lightsaber should put you back in his good graces." He paused. "Bodhi is out of the bacta tank. There is no residual tissue or muscle damage. He'll be able to fly again within the week."

Cassian managed a smile, imagining Bodhi's relief when he'd heard that news. He glanced at Jyn, and saw her relief as well. "Glad to hear that," he said.

"You haven't said anything about when you'll return," K observed. "Is that intentional?"

Cassian looked at Jyn. She knew that he was asking her to answer that question. She thought for a moment. "We'll look into hiring a ship tomorrow," she promised.

"Alright. So have you both worked out whatever ridiculous fantasy you've built together?"

Cassian smirked. "Goodbye, K." He didn't give the droid time to respond before turning the communicator off. He turned back to Jyn with a roguish grin. "Where were we?"

He had hoped to divert her attention from K-2's comment about him being suicidal, but it seemed she was not so easily distracted. The guilt in her eyes made him want to deny every implication of K's statement. "Cassian," she said slowly, "I'm so sorry."

He sighed, and ran a hand over his face. He hesitated a moment. "It wasn't just you," he assured. "It was a buildup of many different things, most of which I've been dealing with… or refusing to deal with for years. Don't feel guilty, alright? It wasn't you."

He closed most of the space between them again. She stared at him for a full minute. Jyn reached out a hand and placed it over his heart, as if she needed to know that it was still beating. He placed his hand over hers and pressed it against his skin for a moment before lifting it to his lips and pressing a kiss into her palm.

"I'm alright," he promised.

She wrapped her arms around him again. "Why didn't you tell me?" she whispered.

"I didn't want you to worry," he answered. "And I didn't want you to feel responsible."

"That's a terrible excuse."

"I know." He admitted.

They held each other for a while longer before Jyn drew back and said, "I've got something to show you."

She walked to the closet, drew something from the top shelf, and walked back. Jyn held out a small, silver object. Cassian took it and examined it in the dim light.

"My mother's ring," he whispered. He recognized the blue stone and the writing on the inside of the silver band in Fest, his first language.

Jyn nodded. "Leia gave it to me. I meant to show you before, but…"

He turned it over in his hand. "She told me she lost it."

"She said she kept it because it reminded her of another version of you."

"Before I lost myself to the Rebellion," he finished knowingly.

Cassian remembered the day he'd given it to Leia. How she'd said she could never take such a priceless item. He'd told her it was a gift, that his mother would have loved her and wanted her to have it. It had seemed so important then. He'd returned from Omnibus a different man, one who didn't have time to worry about rings or memories or love. He hadn't asked Leia what she'd done with it until only a few months ago, and her answer hadn't seemed genuine. Now he knew why.

He thought further back, to the day his parents had been murdered. At six, he was too young to really remember what they'd been like. He remembered his mother's smile as she read him bedtime stories and dried his tears, and that had been enough. He'd taken the ring from her finger before she was even cold. What made him do it, he still wasn't sure. Maybe some part of him knew that later on he would need it.

He took Jyn's hand and slid the ring onto her ring finger. It fit perfectly. It had been too small on Leia. He kissed her hand and looked at her. "I know it's a little… insulting, being given a ring I've already given away, so I promise to get you another one."

She looked confused. "Wait… I'm giving this back to you," she explained.

"I know. Thank you. But I want you to have it for now." He thought of his mother, and what he imaged she would have wanted for him. Cassian couldn't help but chuckle even as the thought hurt him. "I doubt my mother ever thought I'd fall in love with someone like you."

"'Fall in love'?" she teased. "Well, I hope I haven't disappointed her."

He shook his head. "The woman who conquered her past and captured the plans for the Death Star? The woman who has finally, after so many years, made me happy? No, I don't think you would have disappointed her."

Jyn smiled, and thought of her own mother. "I think my mother would have loved you almost as much as I do."

Cassian doubted the same could have been said of her father, but he put that thought away for future examination. He kissed her hand, and then her mouth.

They fell asleep in each other's arms that night, and decided to make it a habit.

* * *

Four days later, Cassian walked through the frigid corridors of Echo Base. He had completed the mandatory paperwork detailing the mission (leaving out the fact that it hadn't really _been_ a mission, of course), and was seeking out the Princess.

He caught sight of Luke Skywalker, and called him. Luke turned and smiled that overexcited, boyish grin of his. "Captain Andor," he said. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm looking for Princess Organa," Cassian replied. "Have you seen her?"

"Yeah, I think Leia's in the control room."

Cassian nodded curtly. "Thank you." He turned and marched in the direction of the control room.

He heard raised voices shouting back and forth. The closer he came, the more discernable the words were. He recognized Leia's sharp voice and Solo's sarcastic tone. Cassian rounded a corner and saw the two debaters in front of the entrance to the control room. He leaned against the icy wall and crossed his arms. Interrupting seemed unwise.

It took several minutes for Solo to glance in Cassian's direction. When he did, he turned back to Leia and snapped, "Your boyfriend's waiting for you."

Cassian didn't comment, leaving the denial to Leia. She turned, saw him, and whirled back to face Solo. "Captain Andor is a friend," she seethed.

"Yeah, right! Why don't you… Ah!" Solo waved a hand in frustration and stormed off, knocking into Cassian's shoulder in the process.

Cassian didn't react. He kept his gaze on Leia. "Great guy you've there," he joked.

"Don't you start, too!" she ordered. Cassian held his hands up in submission. "Han's a self-absorbed agitator who thinks everyone else exists to stroke his ego!"

He thought it best to not mention all the times he'd warned Leia about Han Solo. Instead, he changed the subject by unhooking the pouch encasing the lightsaber from his belt and handing it to her. "The artifact you requested."

"Have any trouble getting it?"

He shrugged. "Nothing Erso and I couldn't handle."

"Good work, Captain Andor," she said.

Cassian nodded respectfully, hands clasped behind his back.

"There's a ship I'd like you to look over, Captain," Leia said. "Since your transporter was destroyed on Yavin, your team will be in need of a new one. Follow me, please." Cassian obediently followed the Princess through the arctic hallways of Echo Base. Once out of earshot of anyone important, Leia got to the more vital questions. "How'd it go?"

Cassian thought back to the days he and Jyn had spent together, and the even more incredible nights. "Well," he replied.

"And…?"

He looked at Leia and smirked. "You know I can't tell you too much. Jyn wants to keep it private, and I agree with her."

"And I respect that. I still want to hear about it, though. It's been a long time since you've looked so happy."

"Don't remind me." He saw the open door leading to the hanger, but Leia guided him past it. "Aren't we going to look at ships?"

"You can do that later. Right now, you need to report to your team, Captain Andor." Cassian hid a smile. She escorted him to the door of a conference room. He could hear snippets of conversation from inside. "Report to the hanger first thing tomorrow morning. No later than 6:30, understood?"

"Understood."

Leia nodded, and walked back the way she'd come. Cassian looked into the room. He leaned against the freezing doorframe, watching his team interact.

Bodhi was pouring everyone drinks, spilling the sparkling liquid every now and then. He was gesturing excitedly, telling the story of how his arm had been injured.

"…siding was ripped from the ceiling by the explosion. I shoved Draven out of the way, but it was too late for me! The shrapnel sliced open my arm. I'm pretty sure Draven's still pissed that I got blood on his jacket. Before I knew it, Baze came charging in-"

Chirrut sat in a chair, wearing his bright smile. Baze sat beside him on the table, feet resting on the floor. K-2 stood to one corner, interrupting Bodhi and correcting his exaggerated details. Jyn sat on Chirrut's other side, listening to Bodhi with a smile so genuine Cassian could only describe it as radiant.

Despite the freezing temperature of the wasteland they now inhabited, Cassian felt a heat warm his chest and spread from there. He knew it had to be pride. Pride, and love. When he'd been chosen to escort Jyn Erso to find Saw Gerrera what seemed an eternity ago, he had no idea that the miscellaneous team they'd assemble together would end up being the closest thing to a family most of them had ever had.

"Captain." Chirrut's voice carried through the room, effectively drawing everyone's attention to the previously unnoticed spectator. "Come, join us!"

Bodhi grinned, not at all put off by the interruption. "I'll pour you a glass, Cassian. I was just getting to the best part." Cassian walked in and took the seat beside Jyn. Bodhi finished filling the glasses, and handed them out. "So there I was! Bleeding out, barely able to hear the sounds of battle, when out of nowhere-"

Cassian felt a light pressure against his gloved hand, and looked down to see Jyn's fingers entwining with his own. He glanced at her, and saw her looking at him out of the corner of her eye, trying to be inconspicuous.

He realized the room had gone silent, and looked around his team. All of them were staring at him and Jyn.

"I thought we were passed this," K-2 stated.

"For the love of the Force, we know you're together," Bodhi said with a smirk.

Cassian rolled his eyes, and wrapped an arm around Jyn, drawing her against his side. "Better?"

Everyone but Baze nodded. Cassian knew, given the man's threats before they'd left on the trip, that Baze would take more time to get used to the idea of his little sister being in any sort of relationship. He'd have to watch his step for a while.

"So tell us about the trip," Bodhi said.

"But not in too much detail," K-2 warned. "I may just break the laws of nature and vomit."

"You both seem happier," Chirrut commented. "The Force moves differently around you now."

"We stole a lightsaber," Jyn said.

"Turns out, Jyn's pretty good with one," Cassian added.

"Tell us about the lightsaber," Bodhi asked enthusiastically.

They glanced at each other, deciding where to start.

"Well, after we got the news about Yavin, Leia sent a message offering us a mission on Craine. We were told to retrieve a lightsaber from an Imperial sympathizer," Cassian began.

They spent the rest of the evening drinking, telling stories, and laughing. It was well into the night before, one by one, they filed out.

As K-2 left to recharge, Cassian and Jyn once again found themselves alone. Deciding to do the responsible thing and get some sleep, they made their way through the frozen corridors to the soldier's quarters.

Thanks to the dwindling number of troops after the destruction of Yavin, Cassian once again had his own quarters. They found it easily enough.

"So," Jyn said once they reached his room, "I guess this is goodnight."

"Actually, I was wondering if you'd like to stay," Cassian replied.

Jyn pretended to think. "Well… I suppose just for tonight. Until we get used to the freezing climate."

They never did get used to the freezing climate, not even after the base was destroyed and they had to relocate again. It became a pattern, as regular as clockwork. It warded off their demons, protected from nightmares, and healed their scars one by one. The enigma that surrounded them finally fell into place, and developed into a peace that Chirrut said could only come from the Force.


End file.
